Have we lost the purpose of marriage?

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Marriage is getting a bad rap in this culture. Many people I talk to, especially young people, have a negative opinion of marriage. In light of all the divorces and heartache, many don't see the point of getting married. I mean if the main purpose of marriage is to have sex and enjoy someone's company, in this culture you no longer need a marriage commitment to do that, so why get married?   I truly see their point.

But the problem isn't the institution of marriage, the problem is that our culture has redefined marriage. If I asked you what the purpose of marriage was, what would you say?

• To raise children in a stable, loving environment
• To have a partner to enjoy life with
• To share the burden of finances

All good things. Now, what about divorce? What are the main reasons you hear that people get divorced?

• Incompatibility
• Extra-marital affairs
• Person doesn't fulfill me anymore
• I fell out of love with him or her
• We grew apart

Oddly none of those reasons have anything to do with the above reasons for getting married in the first place. There seems to be a disconnect somewhere.

In earlier days, marriage was a permanent contractual union for the purpose of mutual love, procreation, and protection.
Presently that's been defined to a Sexual contract designed for the gratification of the individual parties.

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The earlier definition came out of a Christian heritage that understood that God gave marriage to us not just for our own happiness but for the benefit of all humanity. Lifelong monogamous marriage created a social stability in which children could thrive and grow, a healthy loving environment which had ripple effects in the entire community.  Marriage used to be a public institution for the common good. It used to be other centric. But now, it has become s a private arrangement for the satisfaction of the individual. Self-centric.

Now, when the sexual fervor fades and couples have problems, as couples will (We are flawed humans), they split up and move on to the next exciting relationship, living for one romantic experience after another, addicted almost to the pleasure it brings them.

Today, we expect our wife or husband to "make us happy" or "fulfill" us. We expect them to be there for us, listen to us, care, love, protect, defend, honor, agree with us, put up with our faults, never let us down, never be in a bad mood..etc..  really?  Sounds like we expect our spouse to be God. Trouble is, they aren't. They can never live up to our expectations. And we can't live up to theirs. No one can fulfill us. That's what God is for. We used to stay married for commitment's sake and turn to God for those things in which our spouse couldn't provide.  But we've taken God out of our marriages and decided our spouses exist to make us happy. When they don't.. they are out of there!

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Don't get me wrong. I love romance! I'm a romance author, after all! But I do think we need to change the way we look at marriage. It isn't about finding your soul mate or being fulfilled or being happy or living in bliss. That makes marriage all about you. Let's make marriage about honoring God and about improving society and about raising good kids. Let's approach it with a "what can I do for you" mentality instead of a "what can you do for me".

When you do that, when you do things God's way, the romance that follows may take you by surprise!